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sleepy ...

This is his "please, baby, stop worrying about the color of the dress fabric and come to bed" face. ;)

We are the rock kids!

I really think that the people who came to our show tonight had a hell of a lot more fun than the suckers who went to the VMAs. ;)

Hey, there's a reason rockers don't get to go to that show. We just aren't that cool. And if you're curious, the "rock" video nominees were Hozier, Florence and the Machine, Walk the Moon, Arctic Monkies ... but at least Fall Out Boy made it? (Yeah, that's the fucking "rock" category.)

No offence to the nominees or anything. Every fucking artist puts a hell of a lot into their shit. And I give MTV a tiny bit of credit with a "video with a social message" credit, but they don't want anything to do with anyone who has a real bass line.

Let it be noted: I am not bitter.

Cause I know for a fact that this post will be taken that way.

But the state of the industry for rock musicians can be spelled out with how the VMAs treat rock in general.

What I am is bummed out that a product that changed fucking everything is now just a member of the cog. Hell, leading it. There's so much fucking amazing shit out there and there was a time when they helped to lead it. Now it's a place for the same old bullshit all the time.

But you know what, we fucking rocked it tonight. The five bands that have been touring for the past three months together, we know who we are and I'll never knock the fucking talent of the guys I just listed. Cause you haven't lived til you've seen Elena dancing around to Walk the Moon whenever she thinks no one is watching.

But that ain't "rock."

Just sayin.

It's really fucking good that MTV doesn't play videos anymore. I mean, they wouldn't know what to do with music anyway.

whispers ...

It's strange to be a performer that comes from a performing family. And it isn't just the pressure that you face. To stand up on stage and know that the people who know their history, know that your mother was the first female artist signed by her label. Know that your father helped to shape rock as we know it today. It isn't just the pressure of living up to them. That's a given. Because I think, really, living into any legacy left behind is hard. Even if it's a legacy we want nothing to do with.

My sister and I have a hell of a legacy to live in to. Sometimes I think she was smart - going the dancing and stage route. It keeps her slightly separated from that world, you know. She can rock it out in different ways. Sometimes I think sticking to poetry would have been smart.

But I tell you, I love being behind the mic. I never thought I'd say that. I never thought I'd want it. Dad's a drummer after all. Yes, mom sings. And she's fucking amazing. Everyone in rock knows it. That voice of hers ... fucking haunting. And the pain she's coming from, the world she grew out of ... it's insane. I don't know of anyone who can make it. And yeah, she found the right friends at the right time ... but let's face it. She still made this on her own.

There's been talk about parental legacies lately. I find myself wondering if I can ever live into mom. She carries herself with such grace, such presence. Dad's one thing. But mom just ...

And maybe that's where I've been scared. It isn't about stepping out from behind the drum. It's about stepping up to the mic. But I tell you ... being able to put my poems, my thoughts ... to music. It hit me tonight that all that time growing up, watching her work through her questions about life ... all I was really doing was learning about myself.

Guess I got thinking about it tonight. One of mom's songs came up on the playlist and suddenly I was ten years old again, watching her command a stage and not give a shit about anything negative thrown at her. After all everything they threw at her, she just gave back full force. She didn't need to bitch at them. She had her music. She had her voice. That fucking voice.

She tells me now she doesn't know if she screwed up with us or not when we were kids. She could have left my dad. She wasn't expecting to be a grandmother so early in her life. But all she knew was what she lived and what it meant to raise other humans. She does say, daily, that she's proud of us. That who we are means everything to her because she did "something good." She didn't mean to be a mom so young. And she could have been one a hell of a lot younger than she was. But she held us together and she taught us everything we needed and she did it just by example. And it's beautiful.

Yeah, not sure where this came from other than clearly, it's on my mind and she came on my playlist tonight and suddenly I'm lost in the piano and voice that sang me to sleep every night.

If I am half the person she is, I'll have done good in my life.

Aug. 31st, 2015

20 years ago, I met this girl. She was all of 15. I didn't think there could be another person on the planet who was like me.  We got to know each other, but then I didn't see her for a while.  When she came back, it was to stay. And she changed my life.



[a/n: figuring some things out--bear with me]

Aug. 30th, 2015

Bosses said I need to do more to fit in with other Jaledarians. I don't want to fit in-- just want to do my work and then pretend I'm losing my humanity every time I pull the trigger.

Makes me wonder if it was worth leaving home and fleeing to this country. I couldn't stay with my husband anymore, though. If I didn't get out my family would've forced me to stay. They have the mentality that you don't get divorced or leave your spouse. You stay-- until death do you part.

Probably would've been happier if I stayed back in that miserable excuse for a marriage then being blackmailed to do the governments bidding here.

A night out with friends ...

It's been far too long since I allowed myself a true internet presence. There's no reason other than the busy world of scheduling and more and more my Cora is in my life and I truly would rather be chasing after my daughter than spending time before a glowing screen. She's almost six now - which doesn't ever seem real when I see how big she is. She's smarter than her mother and I combined already. Which is going to be a problem when she is a teenager.

But tonight I had the chance to accompany the lovely inthefourthact and her quite charming fiance, hathor_rising, to a party. Because truly, what is Hollywood if not parties? (I say this in jest, my friends. For most of us, even the parties are work.) But tonight we had the chance to relax - and to gossip - and somewhere along the line, we ran into a friend that Lady Gina and I had worked with years ago. I'd forgotten quite how lovely a chap he is.

Selfish photos perhaps.Collapse )

you too ...

Quite frankly, this is a much better way to say "I love you" than with some bunch of roses or something. ;)



Right back atcha, sand_mercury.

We'll be home for good in a couple of days. And by "for good" I mean about 4 weeks. Don't worry, you'll get the house back to yourself soon enough. ;)

And this was today's a-fucking-amazing radio visit today. We love these guys, but today was exceptional. As always, thanks to the guys at the station. The love is awesome.

Writer Post

Okay, so clearly Seb is a very...difficult character. I can't even say he's polarizing because I'm pretty sure there's only one pole involved here.

I've had Vega give me a lot of her opinions and analysis on him, but the meta stuff going on in the Character Support thread has me thinking. There's a part of me that feels like he's edging into sociopath territory, which is very easy for me and not what I want for him. I feel like there's a huge disconnect between where he is in my head, where he is currently in terms of the community, and where he is in the Daughter of Rock verse. And I don't necessarily like the latter two.

I hit him with the garbage truck last summer because at that point, he'd already been quiet for a while after his relapse. During that period, a woman was killed by a garbage truck on the next block over from where I worked and it really upset me, so I worked it in.

Both he and Lang have been around for two years now, but I didn't appreciate her nor was I really interested. She never really took hold in my head. I regret that, but it is what it is.

I think by posting this, I'm looking for suggestions or discussion or even analysis. Because I feel like something needs to change.

Belated flashback/Thought experiment

So I was going to post this yesterday, but I got caught up in a philosophical discussion with the guys. Might pose the question to you after I do what I came here for.

It's rare that we do covers. That's one gimmick we hadn't really bought into- the death metal band doing some really bizarre or obscure cover. And then when we were in the middle of writing this last album we took a movie break and watched The Exorcist. And of course that theme music got under our skin. So we dove into Mike Oldfield. And found this:

Shadow on the WallCollapse )

Begs for a death metal cover, right? We didn't do an official video for it or anything, but it was included in the bonus pack of our last album that came out a year ago.

...Just a shadow on the wallCollapse )

It was a lot of fun to record, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out.

So, I guess now, if you care to ponder with the rest of Inquisitor (because the discussion has continued into daylight)... It is known exactly when the end of the world will happen. Some cataclysmic astronomical event. Would you ride it out till the bitter end? Would you take the easy way out? Would you stop caring about anyone or would you care intensely about everyone and everything? Would you give in to destructive, malicious hedonism or would you search for meaning? And how do you think the rest of humanity would respond?

no, self ...

Dear brain and body -

I know that we are in LA. I know that Brit picked the band up from where we parked the buses by the venue last night and brought us home so we could sleep in our own beds. I know we woke up at home, wrapped around people we love.

But body, we are not done with the tour. We still have five shows. Including tonight.

So wake the fuck up and get moving.

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