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Orchestra junkie photo #2

I replaced the strings my well-meaning spouse broke yesterday. It's probably been a couple of years since I played. I used to be pretty good, but I'm sure I've forgotten everything I ever knew.

But this feels appropriate somehow.

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I'm not sure how I feel about the drunken call I got at 2am from Elliot who lost his keys and locked himself out of his apartment but I am damn amused by the early wake-up call he got at 6am from wide awake Marshall, curious about the man sleeping on his couch.

Usually Marshy wakes up, gets himself set on the couch with some tv and waits for me or Matt to get up and get him some breakfast. But today, I woke up to his bossy little voice, as I'm sure Elliot did: "Who you doing on my couch?"

To his credit, he's handling a hangover with an almost-three year old better than I thought. Which isn't saying much, since I was expecting him to pull a bathroom escape act. Guess he doesn't have anywhere to go though until one of his roommates gets back to him.


Oh we marched. We marched. And then I did something I never in my life expected I would do ever.

The organizers asked me to speak at the march today in Boston. And I stood up there with my rant about the importance of science and women in the field and how we don't, you know, have any reason to back down. And then I did something ... said something.

As of today, officially - I'm running for Congress.

The seat in the next cycle is open and I'm throwing my hat in the ring. It's been a long few weeks talking to Greg and explaining things to Maddie and talking to friends who are in the political game. I'm not all that political. I'm a scientist, after all.

I don't know anything about foreign policy other than what I read in the paper. I do know how to play politics at a major Ivy League University that doesn't want to give tenured positions to women. And considering the old boy's club that is the US Congress right now, I'm going to do just fine if things go my way.

It's going to be different and I've got a learning curve ahead of me. But I'm also interested in the process. And if this doesn't work, I'll have made some friends and I can aim for a local seat. Yes, I know I'm aiming high but you know what - I've never been someone who didn't.

Team # femaleatharvard from the March today.

And then we came home and Maddie watched The Secret Life of Henrietta Lacks and I dove into policies and campaign procedure ideas. It's a whole new world.

my niece is the best

Lucia had a photography assignment and she's had a lot of problems with her headaches lately that made it so hard for her to get out and do what she needed to do. So she called me the other day, in an utter panic, asking if I could help her set something up.

Anything for the kidlet. We went to play at one of the clubs down on 6th street.

Seriously, this kid is something special. When she lets herself shine ... no. That isn't fair. She always wants to shine. But whatever is going on in that neuro-divergent head of hers really just keeps knocking her off the platforms she climbs on to. But when she isn't covered in fog, she is pretty awesome.

These are the pictures she's submitting for the portraits part of her photo essay. She took a couple of others at the club, but I'm a showoff and I'm proud of how she captures me.

One of these days I'll post some of the pictures she takes of her mom and her sister. And of Adry. Girl is brilliant, I tell you.

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We've been talking about Caroline a lot over the last few days. And she's not a subject I've said much about here.

Before Aimeless Priest was really a thing, there was me and this guy John who sang, and Mike. We were floundering around, trying to get out shit together, you know, in that special teenager way. But John was friends with Caroline's older brother. He was a year behind me in school, so we didn't really know each other until they both came to a rehearsal.

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Crying therapy

My doctor visit today went well. Physically, I was told, I should be able to go back to work as early as Monday. Now I'm in a spot, because I want to work. I want to get back to normal. I want to move on. Sitting around is no way to get over anything.

But I haven't cried much this week. My therapist asked me when the last time was I cried over the loss of the child. And I couldn't really remember. All the crying last week was really for self-centered reasons. Guilt over causing this. Guilt over putting my family through it. I haven't cried for her since... I don't know. And before I go back to work I think I need to mourn her. I need to stop trying to talk myself down with logic about her  never having a real chance and finally grieve. Because sooner or later, it's going to come out. And if it's not sooner, it could happen at any moment after.

I'm tired of being upset. I'm tired of being a mess. But before you fix a mess, sometimes you have to make it messier first. Which is all well and good to tell clients. Telling yourself is something else entirely.

So.  I'm going to call my boss and tell him I'll plan on being in Tuesday. So I can give myself a little more time to finally...

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The first mockup for the artwork is in. I have to say, I don't mind this shot at all.

I was kept from the stage for so long. Yes, I love TV and Film and I love that I can work in the mediums. But the stage is where so many of us live and breathe. Where I do. And that while I was on King's I was literally barred from taking to the stage and then while on Evidence just too busy to do so ... being here, working toward opening night with this character ... I feel like I can connect even more to Nora, who is also treated so much as a doll, as a thing rather than a person.

In Hollywood, we are so often unable to be anything more than objects. To be played with at a director or producer's whim. We are toys to those in the world around us, nothing more than dolls to be put on a shelf and taken down for pleasure - and pain.

I find myself funneling all of this into Nora right now. Into how I feel about where she is in her world, how she sees her life and how it has been structured for her. There's so much anger I'm still managing, so much frustration about how I've existed ...

I'm just so excited to be playing this role. It's incredibly therapeutic.


I submitted my final project exactly at the deadline. I have tomorrow off at Skid though I am working the bar tomorrow night. Sunday though I don't have to do anything. I'm going to sleep. All day long.

confession ...

I'm so sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to. They're right - it tastes like sour birthday cake and shame. Don't do it. I did it so you don't have to. Just. Don't.

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