Tags: [fandom] csi: mathematical probability


a conversation ...

Mom called tonight. Just ... wiped out, honestly. She's tired of the news cycle, tired of the dumpster fire ... and she just needed to vent and needed me to distract her. Can't say I really succeeded. But, I tried.

We got talking about life. All the important stuff. Work. James going back to school. Derby. And she got talking about life back in Vegas and how literally no one she knew back then would have believed she'd end up a Senator.

She told me about this guy she worked with ... and she and Dad never talked about him, but I knew he existed. I knew he'd been shot and killed in the line of duty. But I didn't know details. But she was in that kind of a mood, so I let her talk and she told me how when she was brought onto the team in Vegas, it was to investigate Warrick. Her boss wanted to keep the investigation out of IA's hands, so she was brought in from a different state to do the work. Apparently Vegas had money to burn or something. Anyway. She told me that she knew he was innocent from the moment she laid eyes on the guy, but that a good investigator got to the evidence and let that tell the story and because of that, it took her far too long to trust this guy. And him to trust her.

And then she got really sad. "People don't want evidence at all though, Maddie. Not anymore. And I'm wondering if they ever did ... maybe we should all just go on our guts." Then she got over it and let out a laugh and said she had to go to a meeting and really, she was fine, she just needed to lament into the void.

I know that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes I wonder if this administration isn't just going to kill a lot of people who were already pretty strong.

in other news, water is wet

Today, the news "broke" on this scandal about people bribing colleges to get their kids in. And don't take my quotation marks as me being flippant because this is a big fucking deal. Usually, people just bribe colleges by offering huge donations and in return, your dumbass kid gets to go to their stupid school. I'm a legacy admit at Harvard. I mean yes, I had the grades and the application to get in. But my mom went to the school, taught there, got her PhD there and then went on to be a US Senator. My dad runs the crime lab in Boston. There are unseen points on my application that got me in and helped with my scholarship needs. And Harvard admits more of kids like me than they do black kids every single year. So, let's be real when we're talking about what this all means.

Today, twitter was all agasp with half of it full of people clutching their pearls and the other half full of people like "Duh, we know how this shit works." But of course, everyone is really upset because their favorite actresses were part of the whole sting. This one writer I follow was like, "Oh, now they remember these women's names. Their husbands were also involved but nope, gotta just use them." She's so right.

Everyone is always told go to school, get the right grades, do the thing, you'll be successful. And yeah, it can work that way. But when people who already have the path paved with gold grease the skids just that much more, it really hurts the people they claim they want to help.

So yeah. If you have the access, don't make it harder for other people to get the access. Doesn't matter what we do in this life, we're all still gonna die. And if the Christians are right and I have to face down a blustery looking St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, I sure as hell think the easiest thing we can do is not actively bar the gates for other people.

take an elbow

Why yes, I'm still bruising myself up on the regular. It's led to some interesting and thoughtful conversations with me and James, though. Because Derby is hardly a soft sport. We get thrown around and we get roughed up and if guys in practical full body armor have issues without even suffering a concussion, what does it mean for those of us skating? These aren't easy conversations to have, in any context, but they're important.

And James is still there at matches, cheering for me. Anyone who thinks all of these issues are black and white doesn't ... get it.

Last night though, the girls I roll with took three matches and it was exhilarating.


smooth smooth sounds ...

Tonight has been a musical journey. We started on Greta Van Fleet and have made our way down this amazing rabbit hole on Spotify and now we've got Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah's jazz album going and holy crap this is one of the most brilliant journey's either of us have ever been on. He's a hot ass trumpet player who just ... this is... Like. Hello. This is the kind of musical exploration you hope to wander down.

Anyway, we got onto his instagram to learn more and found one of his fellow musician friends and this just made us laugh. Especially since James' dad went to Julliard. ;)

Read his caption, because he's totally right about the institutionalization of music. hathor_rising, I think you'll really appreciate what he's talking about.

But, as for the larger point, I talk to kids at work who just want to experiment and that's how they learn. As for tonight, we just laughed a lot. And then sent it on to James' dad. Who is also laughing a lot.

I really want to see if we can get him in to work with the kids in the program ... that would be so much fun.

let it begin ...

Over the next two and a half days, I'm pulling in at least 24 hours at the bar. It will probably be more like 30. Locked my computer and headed out of work and I'm on my way down.

Superbowl weekend: where bartenders and bar servers make rent for at least three months. Drunken fans, packed bars, and people who want to share in the rush of an event ... I absolutely love it.

James ... I'll see you on the other side. ;)

Also ... the Pats owner came out and lauded all of this love on the illegitimate crapper in DC today, so ... so ... so ...

Oh this kills me.

I'm a Boston girl through and through.

But. Go ...

Go ...

Big grin

rock on!

So, one of the best parts of my job is getting to work with the Rock and Roll Camp for Girls and the ones here are amazing. They encourage trans and non-binary kids into the group and they really work on self-esteem and confidence as much as they put instruments into the hands of the girls.

But what's taken on popularity with the Rock Camps around the country the last couple of years is extending the camps to adult women (trans women and non-binary humans encouraged of course!) and watching the transformation of women who never had the guts to even pick up an instrument learn the basics of songwriting and instrument care and performing ... just being with the women over the weekend is hella empowering.

Anyway, the company I work for partners with the camps and we are prepping the spring events and I spent the day with the organizers and I tell you, I came out of the meetings spitting fire and ready to watch these humans take over the planet.

I love my job. Music, empowering kids, and watching women work. What else could you want out of life? (She said, heading to the bar to pick up a shift ...)

I would like to clarify a couple of things ...

1. Despite what my lovely boyfriend thinks, it is not in fact Tom Brady's fault that he's so good and plays for the team he plays for. Now, it is his fault that he's a lowlife asshole and it kills me that my team is led by him.

2. I miss the Celtics, but living in Brooklyn and having the Nets here and they don't suck ... I'll take it. It's great to have a local team, and they're big on community support so the kids I work with, we get passes to games on a semi-regular basis. They can get in early and have the chance to meet some of the players and it's pretty fun and now that my boss has realized I'm a sports fan, I'll get to be going. (And yes, I can get tix through other means, but it's fun to go with a bunch of kids who otherwise don't get access to these things.)

3. If you're wondering how I feel about the stuff with James, how all of this impacts us as a family ... all you need to know is this guy is truly, one of the best men I've ever known and I've never been happier to have accepted a dinner invitation and help with moving. Furthermore, the more research we do into this game that we both love, this game that can do so much harm, the more we have to process. It's hard. But, every single profession has risks. This one just feels so much more. And yeah, that's vague ... and I'm not passing this off as his journey ... it's mine too. But my thoughts are still coming into focus and I'm not sure this is the best place to air them. Not yet. We're in a great space and we have the privilege and the access to explore the medical research. And yes, we're taking advantage of it.

4. Don't ask me why, but I've fallen into an Elementary hole on Hulu and damn if Lucy Liu isn't just the most amazing thing since ever. And Natalie Dormer? I mean, I think there are men on this show, but I don't know them. ;)

Puerto Rico and Hamilton ...

No one is going to pretend that Puerto Rico has recovered from Maria. That in the year and a half since the island was destroyed they are up and running in 100% perfection and the world is fun and sweet and the tourists aren't draining the island resources to be maintained while the poorest areas are still putting things back together. Don't ever assume that isn't a thing.

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Like her mother

And remember, that the rent we pay for life on this planet is service to each other

That's a paraphrase on a famous quote from Shirley Chisholm. She was one of my mother's heroes when she entered political life and remains so to this day. My mom has the real quote over the door in her office, and it is always on her campaign materials.

Today, congress was sworn in. I didn't go to DC this year, though dad was there, snapchatting and instagramming and being so damn proud of her. I know when he fell in love with her, no one had any idea she'd end up the Senior Senator from Massachusetts.

It's really weird being the daughter of someone like ... my mom. Knowing that things she votes on literally change the course of life for people around the world. And of course I've had most of my life to get used to it, but there are days when it still stuns me. So, today, at work, we took a break from the soundboards and sat down and talked about things like where funding for programs like ours comes from. We talked about politics and the difference between local and state and federal funding. Not all of it landed, but they all were engaged in it. It was nice to be able to help explain a concept that just seems so out of reach for a lot of them. As one of the kids said today, "it's just a bunch of white people talking at themselves." Well, he isn't wrong. But I showed him the faces of the women sworn in today and he got all excited. "She looks like my sister!" He said of Ilhan Omar.

The quote is in my heart today. It's so easy to forget who we are and what it means to serve each other. City life means ducking garbage cans and drunks, praying the subway works, grabbing a lyft when it doesn't - if you aren't trapped underground - and cohabitating not just because you love someone but because it cuts the rent in half. It isn't just about volunteering and "giving back" and all that jazz. It's about serving each other. We aren't all in this for ourselves and if you are, that's a pretty lonely existence. We need each other. Otherwise, we're just drifting.
Tiger hoodie

trying not to jinx it ...

But we might have found a place. We can't get away from the gentrification of certain areas of Brooklyn, but we keep coming back to this one apartment that just fits for us. So ... cross fingers. It hits all our sexy points. Well, most of them. I think the only way we would get 100% of everything we wanted was to either move to that cave James is still in love with, or ... find a lamp to live in or something. Some fantasies are only mostly achievable.

Still. We love this place.